Tags: Humour

Captain Ordinary

I want to create a new superhero.

He’s going to be exactly like Captain Marvel except that instead of saying “Shazam!” he’s going to say “Zapdoodle!”

And instead of being Aryan he’s going to be vaguely multi-ethnic.

And instead of battling generalized injustice he will fight a specific injustice, like homelessness or suburban sprawl.

And instead of having popular support people will mock him and try to have him arrested.

And instead of having a uniform of red spandex he will have a uniform of random clothes from Salvation Army.

And instead of having a sidekick he will have his sides kicked when he sleeps on the street.

And instead of having a secret identity, people just won’t really care who he is.

And instead of being young, tall, athletic and arguably handsome, he will be short, pudgy, and middle-aged, with a pronounced limp.

OK, so he’s not going to be much like Captain Marvel at all.

But he will say “Zapdoodle!”

In fact, he may not say anything else, ever.